


till human voices wake us and we drown

by thewindraiser



Series: Tumblr Prompts [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, mermaid au, there's a near death experience here so beware?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-13 02:31:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5691301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewindraiser/pseuds/thewindraiser
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: “It could be worse.”</p>
<p>We are not that different. Just different enough for it to matter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	till human voices wake us and we drown

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" by my favourite poet, Thomas Stearns Eliot.
> 
> Suga is a merperson in this story, so i decided to use they/them pronouns for him here.

 

Daichi was 8 when his father died. Sailed at 5 am with his small crew and never came back.

There was no body to bury so his grave stayed empty but for the tears his family shed.

“The sea took him, darling” Daichi’s mom said, her voice raspy and uncertain.

When his parents fought, back when Daichi still had both parents, mom had always accused dad of loving the sea more than his family. So Daichi, sweet 8 years old Daichi, asked “Does that mean he is happy now?”

That night before going to bed Daichi’s nana didn’t tell him another tale of faraway lands and capricious gods. Instead, she sat on his bed and, looking at him with eyes as old as the earth, whispered, “It was the merpeople, Dai-chan. _They_ took your father.”

 

Daichi was 8, his father was dead, and merpeople were monsters who lived the abyss, came up to the surface to sing and lure the sailors close to the rocks and then ate their flesh, staining the sea red.

*

Daichi was mending a net when _it_ happened.

He had been fighting with Toshiki-san’s stupid son again and as punishment he was stuck here alone while the other children learned all about baits. He huffed for what felt like the tenth time in the last minute and kicked the dock in exasperation. He shouldn’t be blamed for the stupidity of others, and Kenta was a moron. That was a fact. He should have been punished, and maybe his parents too, for raising such a complete tool.

The net was full of holes big enough for a dolphin to swin through, the only thing left to do, in Daichi’s opinion, was to throw it away.

Daichi freed a long dead fish from the tangle of knots and threw it in the sea. He heard a splashing sound coming from beneath the dock, too loud to be caused by such a small fish, and furrowed his brow in confusion. He stayed still for a couple more seconds, ready to bolt at any moment. Only the wind answered. Daichi rolled his shoulders to loosen the tension and got back to work.

There was yet another fish stuck in the net, Daichi sighed once again and made to throw it away too when a voice stopped him dead in his tracks. “ ** _No!_** ”

Daichi turned around, so fast he almost gave himself a whiplash, and saw it.

Its skin had a shimmery quality to it, catching the sun in such a way it seemed to almost glow. Golden, sparkling eyes and weirdly pointy, webbed ears. Scales. Daichi had never seen one before but he knew at once. It couldn’t be anything other than that.

The merperson raised a webbed hand and Daichi fell down on his butt, scurried away in fear. Or at least he tried, his body wasn’t really responding to his commands. His heart had never beaten so fast in his life, it seemed set on breaking free from his chest.

“Don’t touch it.”

The creature was talking but Daichi couldn’t make sense of it in the waves of his panick.

“The fish…” It said again, pointing at the net. _The fish_. Daichi had been about to throw it away. Maybe if he gave it to the…thing, it’d eat that instead and go away. He made to get the fish again but a spray of seawater hit him right in the face. The merperson had _splashed_ him.

Forgetting his fears for a second Daichi yelled in disdain, “What is the matter with you?”

The salt stung in his eyes.

The merperson splashed him again. “What’s the matter with _you_?” It said and Daichi was shocked to see a petulant pout on their – it, its – lips. “That’s a scorpion fish, it’s poisonous. I told you not to touch it!”

Petulant and bossy.

Daichi blinked in comprehension and looked down at the fish. Between the tangles of the net Daichi hadn’t noticed the telltale maroon and white patterns. He gulped audibly, nervous and relieved at the same time, and slinked away from the net.

He looked back at the merperson still propped up on the dock with its human-like limbs. “You should leave it for now.” They – it – said. “You’d do better to wait for a grown-up to take care of it, or at least put on those cloths for your hands…what are they called again?”

Daichi heard his own voice reply, “Gloves?”

The merperson smiled at him, brighter than the sun reflecting on the waves. “Yeah that’s the one!”

Daichi felt a blush spread on his cheeks and neck but couldn’t for the life of him figure out the reason for it. It was just… they – it, for goodness’ sake, it – looked so much like a human. That smile, the dimples, they – it, IT – even had a mole near an eye. So unlike how Daichi had always pictured them. The merpeople.

A third voice reached Daichi’s ears and brought him back to reality. He watched the merperson dive back in the sea in alarm and when his friend Yui sat by his side to talk about everything she’d learned, then…he wished he could be happy about it. Happy to see her, happy not to be alone anymore in the company of that…creature. But all Daichi felt was a strange disappointment weighing down his chest.

 

Fate played its part and made them meet again and again. Soon it stopped being a matter of fate, destiny and chance encounters altogether, as Daichi started taking long walks on the abandoned dock in the hope to see a blue-gray shimmer and a majestic tail right under the surface of the crystalline waters.

*

Suga was the single most infuriating creature Daichi had ever met.

He’d thought fleas were annoying, sea urchins were plenty bothersome but Suga…Suga beat them all.

Daichi huffed in a breath, his teeth grinding in irritation. “Why can’t you just stop doing that?”

Suga beat their tail on the wooden panels of the dock, so hard it left a dent. Daichi crossed his arms to hide a jolt. “Why can’t you humans stop throwing your garbage in the sea then?”

The vein on Daichi’s temple started to throb. “What does that have to do with anything?”

He noticed the rhythmic clenching and unclenching of Suga’s fingers, a way for Suga to control their temper or maybe manifestation of the impulse to throttle Daichi with all their strength. Daichi noticed and pushed again, waiting for an extreme reaction, hoping for Suga to prove themselves to be exactly what Daichi’s nana had always told him – a moster, a man-eating, cold-blooded monster - and not this completely unexpected, annoyingly magnetic force that kept drawing Daichi in.

“It does because you are killing us!” Suga’s face was drawn and tense, their eyes ablaze with anger and…disappointment. “You talk about my people as if you know us, you tell us to stop luring sailors and make their ships sink when all we are doing is thank the Moon for her guidance. Like we have for thousands of years.”

Daichi sat back down in silence, and followed the single tear falling from Suga’s eyes with his gaze. It trailed a path of salt and sorrow down the soft curve of Suga’s cheek, only to die on their chin when Suga caught it with an agitated flutter of hand.

“It’s typical of humans,” their voice was meant to sound threatening and sharp, but it shook too much, “to blame your own foolishness on others. To act like you own the world, the seas, the sky.”

A slap would have hurt much less than that single tear, than those simple – true, true? – words. Daichi tried to swallow down the sudden shame, the inexplicable mortification he felt for making Suga cry. He tried to reach out, take Suga’s arm, keep them there – had they ever touched before? – His fingertips had barely grazed cold skin when Suga jumped away and with a last “I never should have come,” disappeared in the deceitfully calm, azure sea.

 

At thirteen Daichi was only just realizing that even the people he trusted most, the wisest and most knowledgeable people, could be wrong. For two weeks straight he came back home with his throat on fire for standing on the dock too long in the mid of winter and incessantly calling Suga’s name. On the night Suga finally showed up, Daichi took his mythology book in his hands, ripped away the pages about merpeople and threw them in the fire.

*

Daichi was 15 and he was drowning.

Too tired to keep fighting the waves he let his body fall deeper and deeper in the endless blue. His lungs were burning, the pressure of the water surrounding him.

It hurt now, it hurt so bad, but maybe soon…maybe soon it’d stop. Maybe soon he’d meet his father again.

Or was there nothing waiting for him on the other side? What if there was nothing?

What if there was only darkness, only silence?

Fear conquered him again and with one last effort he waved his arms and legs around in a frenzy. It couldn’t happen like this. Not now.

He tried to free himself from the invisible hold dragging him down. He tried, he really did. Water was still above him. He hoped his mom would know that he’d tried.

His body gave up once again, for good this time, it gave up before his mind did.

A silvery shimmer caught Daichi’s eyes and then he felt warmth enclose him. Then, and only then, the world went dark.

-

It took Daichi three days to convince his mother to let him go outside.

He told her he’d go visit Yui, he reassured her times and times again that he’d stay away from the sea, at least for a while, and yes of course he’d be home for lunch.

As soon as his house disappeared from view Daichi changed route and walked swiflty to the dock. He stopped only when the old, moss-covered pier came into sight, heart in his throat.

Suga was already there.

They were sitting still on a dark rock close to the beach, so still a bird was using their shoulder as a perch.

Daichi moved closer, his fingers shaking with apprehension. It wasn’t like Suga to sit so still. Like the sea, even when calm they were always in motion. A flutter of hands, a nervous fidget, a careless flick of their tail, fighting flows and waves even on land. But not now.

The sun peeked through the clouds and cast some light – some warmth, some life - on Suga.

Daichi waited with bated breath for a sign, a gesture, anything that would show that  it was truly Suga, and not a statue of flesh and scales, carved in their likeness. Then a sob cut through the air to pierce Daichi’s heart, it echoed in his ears. A sob became two and then three and then Suga was crumbling in front of him, shoulders shaking under the weight of their grieve. The bird flew away, toward the sun, and Suga put their hands on their face, as if hiding from the world.

In a blink Daichi was there, stumbling through the sand and splashing his way to Suga. Suga turned around and stared, eyes wide and red from the tears. In one quick movement they slid down the rock to meet Daichi halfway. It was only when they were finally face to face that Daichi realized he was crying too. A wave caught them by surprise and they fell on the sand, clinging to each other.

“You stupid human,” Suga sobbed in the crook of Daichi’s neck. “Stupid, foolish human.”

Suga was shaking in Daichi’s arms and Daichi cursed himself a thousand times for not coming to see them sooner. He raised a hand and awkwardly patted their shoulder in comfort. “I know. I’m ok. I’m sorry.” What else was there to say?

They stayed like this for a while, Suga’s weight pressing Daichi down and leaving him breathless – the weight, it was, and nothing more, –  the waves crashing around them.

Then Suga took a deep breath, deeper than the others, Daichi could feel it against his skin, and moved away from him. Daichi tried to pull them back down on him again, too afraid Suga might leave for good this time after what Daichi had put them through, but Suga put a hand on his chest in a calming gesture and at once, Daichi’s heart slowed down.

They propped themselves up on their elbow and looked down at him, long eyelashes casting shadows on impossibly bright eyes. Then a murmur escaped their lips, a sound too melodious to be a language Daichi knew, and they blushed high on their cheeks.

It was instinct, only instinct and nothing more, that made Daichi close his eyes when Suga leaned down on him. Suga rubbed their cheeks together, tenderly, causing Daichi’s skin to tingle, and linked their tail and Daichi’s leg together. The sun was at its zenith and it burnt hot on Daichi’s face.

When they moved apart Suga wouldn’t meet his eyes and stammered when they explained, “This is how we…how merpeople show affection.”

Daichi didn’t question the truth of their words. He didn’t question the weird, fluttery feeling in his stomach, or the hammering of his heart. He was fifteen, he was alive, and that was enough. For now.

*

“You haven’t been around much.”

The pout was evident in Suga’s voice, even tho they were facing away from Daichi so he wouldn’t be able to see it. He sat down on what he’d come to think of as _their_ dock, feet touching the water. He splashed around a little.

 “We see each other almost every day,” he pointed out, trying to be the voice of reason, but he knew what Suga meant. They only had moments to themselves these days, Daichi’s job at the fish market having picked up now that the weather was warmer and sailing out to sea was less dangerous and more fruitful.

Only moments, yes, but the moments Daichi looked forward to for the entire day. Every day. At least this, and at least to himself, he could admit it. He felt a blush crawl up his face and looked down at the water. Suga’s tail was swinging to the sides, and from time to time it brushed against Daichi’s calf.

His sudden silence must have surprised Suga, their curious stare fixed on his face. He stubbornly kept his eyes on neutral subjects, the calm sea, the seagull trying to fish, the-

Suga’s fingers grazed his jaw and he jumped out of his skin. Suga backed away from him, embarrassment coloring their fair skin crimson and making them stutter around an apology.

It wasn’t something they did – touching. With the exception of that time almost two years ago, it had always been casual, teasing nudges or accidental bumping of shoulders. Never like this, and if Daichi was being honest with himself, he knew why he’d been avoiding it so carefully.

His skin was tingling. “I was just surprised,” he was quick to reassure.

Suga met his eyes and bit their lip nervously. After a second or two of hesitation they reached out again, their fingers shaking slightly. Daichi stayed still, as still as he could as nerves were taking over, not to startle Suga again.

Suga cupped his jaw gently, their thumb stroking his cheek. A wrinkle appeared on Suga’s brow and they pursed their lips in confusion. “It’s scratchy.”

Daichi was confused too for a moment until it clicked: he hadn’t shaved this morning. He smiled, amused and more than a little fond. “It’s called stubble,” he said.

Suga widened their eyes and whispered it a couple of times, tested it out on their tongue, their voice filled with awe. “I thought it’d be soft. Like moss.”

Daichi playfully rubbed his cheek on Suga’s palm. “No, not really.” He watched Suga try to stifle a laugh and fail miserably so he kept it up. “Sometimes when it’s long it’s soft, but mostly it’s like this.”

Suga nodded in understanding. “When it’s long it’s a beard, right?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

Daichi could see Suga wasn’t satisfied. “What is it?”

“What’s it for? What does it do?”

Daichi thought about it for a while but when he couldn’t find an answer he shrugged his shoulders helplessly. “I’m not sure.”

“Oh…” Suga sounded disappointed and even more confused than before. “Merpeople have hair on their heads to protect themselves from the sun.” They wondered out loud, set on solving this mystery. “I guess this goes for humans too?” Daichi nodded, curious to see where this would go, yes, but far more interested in the way Suga’s lower lip curved in a slight pout when they were thinking.

Suga moved closer, eyes falling on Daichi’s chest. “You have hair here too!”

Their hand followed their gaze, glided down Daichi’s neck in a gentle caress and stopped to press on Daichi’s chest. A shiver made its way down Daichi’s spine and he hoped Suga couldn’t feel the way his heart was hammering right beneath their fingertips.

“It can’t be to keep you warm,” Suga whispered, lost in their own head and apparently clueless to Daichi’s inner turmoil. “You’d be covered in it if it were…”

The absurdity of that image made Daichi chuckle, but for the nerves it came out high and a little squeaky. Suga looked up, finally, surprise in their eyes as if they’d only just remembered Daichi was still here. They seemed to freeze for a second, their fingers curling slightly on Daichi’s chest, but not moving away. The shaky breath they let out Daichi felt it on his skin and it gave him goosebumps.

When had they even gotten so close?

From here – so close – Daichi could have counted Suga’s eyelashes if he so wished. He noticed for the first time a faint peppering of freckles on Suga’s pointy nose, that spread then on their cheeks. The fullness of their lips, the inviting curve of their cupid’s bow. The high cheekbones. From so close, and Daichi cursed the universe for it, Suga was even lovelier.

Suga was blushing now and Daichi averted his eyes, as if not allowed to see, as if it were a private moment.

The air was heavy, suffocating around them. Daichi should move away, should have already, maybe crack a joke to make this all less…intense. But he couldn’t move, rooted as he was on the edge of the dock – their dock, and his brain felt completely empty except for white noise and one stupid, foolish thought.

Suga’s hand slid down again, tracing the line of Daichi’s abs, and then further down still, following his happy trail, to come to a stop only at the waistband of his shorts.

Even underwater Daichi hadn’t found it quite as hard to breathe.

He sighed, “ _Suga…_ ”

It came out like a plea, like a prayer, but Daichi wasn’t sure what it was he was asking for.

Or maybe he knew it all too well.

Suga moved in closer. So close, too close.

Daichi’s insides quivered at each delicate touch of those fingers on his skin. His eyes closed of their own accord and then it became too much. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t _think_ …

He closed a hand around Suga’s and placed them both on his knee. Suga tensed, mistaking it for rejecton maybe – as if – and tried to take their hand back but Daichi squeezed it gently, caressed their knuckles. He took some time.

He focused on breathing for a moment or two, just breathing so he could think, and when he opened his eyes again he knew. And he let himself go.

He leaned in until his nose touched Suga’s and fondly rubbed them together. “Do you know…” he whispered, “how humans show their affection?”

And then, without waiting for an answer, caught Suga’s lips in his.

 

Daichi was 17 and the sun shining on his closed eyelids colored his world red.

*

Time passed. It slipped through Daichi’s fingers fast, too fast. Time passed and suddenly Daichi was eighteen, a man grown, and worrying about things he never would have wanted to even think about. He’d been waiting to turn 18 all his life but now that he was here, now that his days were punctuated by the kisses he and Suga shared, by the time they spent together, now the implication of being 18 scared him like nothing else before.

 

“We have lungs here too, silly!”

Daichi splayed a hand on Suga’s sternum and felt their laughter under his palm. It was summer breeze and wind chimes.

Daichi nodded, solemn. “Well of course, otherwise you couldn’t breathe on land.”

“Exactly. And we also have…” Suga turned their head a little and showed Daichi three small cuts behind their ear. Gills.

Daichi hummed low in his throat and traced them with a finger. When Suga squirmed under the touch he smirked. “Is this why you like it so much when i kiss you there?” He leaned in and did just that. Once. Twice. And then some more.

Suga arched their back, pressing closer to Daichi’s body and Daichi took advantage of the movement, put an arm around their waist.

They weren’t sitting on the dock today, the sand a much more comfortable place to lie down on. The waves lapped at Daichi’s feet, sometimes reached so high they’d soak his shorts, but it was hard to care about anything else with Suga so close to him, looking beautiful and happy.

Daichi leaned down to follow the curve of Suga’s neck, licked the sea salt off of it, bit down hard then kissed away the sting he’d caused. Suga carded their fingers through Daichi’s hair and pulled him even closer, tilting their head a little in encouragement.

“Then we have – _oh_.” Suga’s voice had taken a husky hue. “We have a heart. And a stomach and…and other stuff.” They trailed off carelessly.

Daichi nodded again against Suga’s throat, “Other stuff. Like humans then.”

“Huh huh.”

Daichi sucked on a particularly sensitive spot and Suga called his name, high and breathy and lovely. It was a soft sound, easily lost in the crashing of waves, but it echoed in Daichi’s ears, vibrations turning into electricity and sending sparks through his body.

“ _Daichi_ ”

Again. It was too much.

Daichi decided to give up all sense of decency and shifted to straddle Suga’s waist, pressing them down on the warm, white sand. Suga welcomed him, wrapping their arms around his neck and smiling into their kisses.

Daichi bit their chin playfully. “So we are pretty similar on the inside, “ he said. “With all this _stuff._ ”

“Hmm.” Suga didn’t seem too taken with their conversation anymore. Daichi grinned, goofy and foolish and wide, and ran a hand down Suga’s side to reach their tail. Following the direction of the scales it felt smooth and slippery under his skin. “What’s this made of then?”

Suga’s eyes were a little unfocused, their breath coming out short, so Daichi gave them a minute to get their wits back and looked down at their tail to hide his smugness. It was a silver/powder azure color naturally, but when the sun caught it it always turned a million colors.

Suga shrugged under him and said, “Mostly muscle tissue and fat.”

Daichi prodded it with a finger. It was kind of soft. Suga must have learned a way to read his mind because they delivered a vicious pinch on his arm. “Oy!”

“Oy, you! It’s not polite to stare.”

Daichi apologized with a kiss but he could sense Suga wasn’t feeling it anymore.

“But no, I guess. We are not that different.” Suga’s voice came out strangely somber and when Daichi looked up he found them distractedly torturing a lock of hair, eyes faraway and lost in thoughts.

Daichi tightened his hold on their waist to attract their attention, to keep them there, with him. Suga started biting their lip so hard it became white. “Just different enough for it to matter.”

The world seemed to have fallen silent at once, or maybe the way Daichi’s heart was beating in his chest, in his ears, made it impossible for him to hear anything else.

It was easy, forgetting about their situation when they were together.

Suga had a way of making Daichi feel like the two of them were alone in the universe, like they were the only thing that mattered. He had argued with Suga til his voice gave out, had cried for his father, complained about his mother, he had laughed til his cheeks hurt for days.

Suga fit in the spaces of his heart. Suga fit in his arms. But as much as Daichi wished they could, Suga would never be able to fit in his life.

Going out on a date, introduce them to his mom, build a home, raise a family. This would never happen for them, not together, not with each other.

Daichi moved away from Suga, breaking all contact, but staying by their side. As if he’d be able to just leave.

The last rays of the sun reached them and caressed Suga’s skin. They were so beautiful Daichi had to look away. The worst thing about this, he thought to himself, is that he _knew_ , in his heart he was sure that if things had been a little different, if _they_ had been different – or a little more similar – Suga could have made him so deliriously happy. For good.

The sky was tinged blue and black when Daichi found the strength to talk again. “My mother wants me to get married.”

He felt Suga tense next to him. “It’s that thing…that thing you do when-” they cleared their throat and spit it out, as if the simple idea disgusted them, “- when you mate for life.” It wasn’t a question.

Daichi answered anyway. “Yes. She started looking into it months ago.”

Dozens of names had been thrown around and Daichi, he could refuse all he wanted, could reject every girl in the village, but he knew it wasn’t much use to fight. At eighteen you get married. You have children. You keep the name alive, your father’s name.

Daichi wished he could swat his mother’s voice like he did with flies, crush the words under his palm and then wash them all away. He wished he could run, he wished there was another chance.

All of a sudden Suga burst into laughter.

Daichi jumped at the sound and turned to look at them, alarmed. It was all off. Suga’s whole body shaking, their tail slapping the sand, that sound. Too high-pitched and shallow. Hysterical. It was all off.

Daichi closed the distance between them and took Suga in his arms again. Muffled against his chest, their laughter soon died down and Suga was left breathing hard, trying to regain some composure. They were still shaking.

“Out of all the merpeople in the sea…” Daichi felt something warm and wet fall on his skin. “So many of them. And I had to fall for you.” Daichi found no anger in Suga’s words, just quiet acceptance. And resignation. Daichi’s vision started to get blurry, and he hid his face in Suga’s hair.

_Out of all the people in this world_ , he thought, _it was inevitable i’d fall for you._

He didn’t voice it. There was no point. What he said instead was this, “It could be worse.”

When Suga asked him how, Daichi had no answer.

He just held Suga close, closer, and closer still, hoping against hope that maybe if they got close enough they’d merge into one, like two rivers out to reach the sea, never to be separated again.

 

Daichi was eighteen and falling asleep with dried tears on his face.

As the night reached its darkest hour, in the deep of the abyss, unbeknown to him, an ancient being granted a desperate wish and banned a soul from the seas.

Daichi was eighteen, twisting and turning in his bed as Suga – his Suga – took their first steps on land and felt the sand between their toes.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> I also have a [tumblr](http://thewindraiser.tumblr.com/) and a [twitter](https://twitter.com/JKNo_emi)


End file.
